Vancouver Poet Laureate Brad Cran on the Canadian Women’s hockey team’s post-game celebration.

by Aislinn Rose

The Vancouver 2010 Olympic Winter Games are over, and although there was some protesting and censoring, it seems to have come off as a relatively controversy free affair. For this creative process we’ve been keeping an eye on things ever since we first heard about “free speech zones“, and rights activists being detained on both sides of our border.  We are, after all, building a show about civil liberties in Canada, which leaves room in each iteration for pressing civil rights issues at the time of each production to be addressed within the context of similarly difficult moments in the history of our country.

We became interested in these stories about activists being detained at the Canadian/US border, and then I came across a piece by Vancouver Poet Laureate, Brad Cran who, incidentally, declined to participate in the Cultural Olympiad due to rules he believed muzzled free speech.  In his piece entitled “2010 Handbook for Entering Canada”, Cran takes a look at these border crossings from the perspective of the border guard.  Sort of.

In an effort to stay true to this concept of “Open Source”, I am reaching out to you for contributions to the “source code” of Section 98.  That’s right.  I want you to read Brad Cran’s piece below, and then send us what you think we should do with it.  It can be in script format, or just in the form of a completed idea or concept. You can email all of this to the “info” address at the top right of the website if you’re the shy type or leave it as a comment below!

Our creative process has evolved a lot at Praxis Theatre – evolving from working exclusively with text-based tools to create new work, to also incorporating and  experimenting with ideas and using the workshop process to develop them into theatre.  You’ll see the results of those recent efforts on March 13th at our work in progress HATCH presentation.  (Did I mention tickets are on sale now?  No?  Tickets are on sale now.)

Please take the time to read the Handbook below, and then send us whatever comes to you.  How might you put this story, this issue on stage?  How would you make it theatrical?  Have you considered how it might fit into a show that is also covering civil rights issues of the 1930s and 1970s?  In keeping with things open source, we may incorporate your contribution into our presentation (so be forwarned), we may save it for a later iteration, or we may determine that it doesn’t fit into what we’re developing.  Either way, you’ll be acknowledged, credited, and thanked appropriately.

Without further ado, here it is: Brad Cran’s…

2010 Handbook for Entering Canada

For Howard White

Are you bring­ing any fruits or veg­eta­bles into Canada?

Have you vis­ited a farm in the last 30 days?

Are you now or have you ever been a mem­ber of a group that dis­agreed with government?

Do you intend to ride the zip line?

Do you approve of prod­uct place­ment in movies?

Do you like my uniform?

Are you bring­ing into Canada any cur­rency and/or mon­e­tary instru­ments of a value totalling CAN$10,000 or more per person?

Have you ever assaulted a police offi­cer with a stapler?

In describ­ing my uni­form, would you say that it a) inspires respect or b) breeds contempt?

Have you ever dreamed of shoot­ing a fas­cist dic­ta­tor off a Spanish balcony?

Do you approve of John Furlong?

Can you give me an exam­ple of the words in your head and how they might be used while in Canada?

Do you vote?

Are you now or have you ever been a per­son who car­ries MasterCard?

Were you aware of the Oka upris­ing, and if so, whose side were you on?

Remind me again about the zip line.

Do you read poetry?

Do you believe in home­less­ness as a right of the people?

If you were Canadian, and if it were pos­si­ble to do so, would you vote for John Furlong?

Does the colour of your socks match the colour of your pants?

Do your chil­dren own an effigy, stuffed or oth­er­wise, of the Olympic mascot?

Our pre­mier rode the zip line. Did you see that? It looks awesome.

Please arrange the fol­low­ing terms in order of pref­er­ence, start­ing with the least impor­tant: Health Care, Education, the Environment, Homelessness, Logo Placement at Sporting Events.

Do you now or have you ever owned a copy of Raffi’s Baby Beluga?

Do you own a cell phone?

Are you car­ry­ing any printed mat­ter that illus­trates same-sex love?

Are you bring­ing into Canada any firearms or other weapons?

Did you know that each year, more Canadians trust RBC Royal Bank® for their mort­gage solu­tions than any other provider?

What is the total mon­e­tary value of the goods you will be leav­ing in Canada?

Let’s go back to my uni­form for a minute, you gotta admit it’s pretty fuck­ing awesome.

Do you or have you ever lis­tened to Democracy Now?

Can you fin­ish the fol­low­ing sen­tence? Baby bel­uga in the deep blue ______________.

What colour is your heart?

Do you believe in global warming?

Have you ever pur­chased No Name brand prod­ucts? You know, the ugly yel­low ones?

If while in Canada you were tasered, would you be upset or go into car­diac arrest?

Do you sup­port an inter­na­tional unelected and roam­ing fourth tier of gov­ern­ment as set out by a non-existent char­ter of the
IOC?

If your gov­ern­ment acted against the prin­ci­ples of democ­racy, would you be com­pelled to action or would you just tell your
friends you are miffed?

Do you ever expe­ri­ence emo­tions stronger than miffment?

If some­one you knew spoke up against your gov­ern­ment, would you a) lis­ten or b) think that was a lit­tle weird?

Which of the fol­low­ing does not fit? Osama bin Laden, Louis Riel, Chris Shaw, Gordon Campbell.

When asked, will you keep the flow of traf­fic mov­ing smoothly?

How long will you be staying?

*                                                           *                                                         *

I should tell you there’s a lot of interesting stuff to read on Cran’s Poet Laureate site, including his take on Shane Koyczan, the slam poet featured in Vancouver’s Opening Ceremonies.  Here’s Koyczan performing “We Are More” in 2007.